The Protagonist's InterUniversal Tour
by AtomicSlurpee
Summary: What if the complete a**hole everyone loves to be in sandbox style crime games was forced to explore other universes, a Saints Row/ Anything else I can think of crossover. Rated T, mostly for language though there might be some violence later.
1. Chapter 1

The World's Biggest Asshole's Inter-Universal Tour

A Saints Row/ Every Other Fictional Franchise I Can Think Up Crossover Fanfic

**Author's Note:** This Fanfic is based on my Saints Row character in particular, its not a self-insert because my character is nothing like me but instead based on him. Seeing as Saints Row is a crime-themed free roaming game and is way over-the-top it is fun to roam the streets of the city being an asshole, smacking old women with the butt of your gun, blowing up random cars with a helicopter you get the idea. OK that was kind of rambling but to sum it up, what if the complete asshole everyone is while free-roaming in games was teleported to different universes.

It was a sunny morning in Stilwater and for the leader of the 3rd Street Saints, known as Boss by most, it was no different than any other. He woke up in one of his many cribs as usual, and as usual was greeted in the morning by countless members of his legion of corrupted youths. "Can't you blokes give me any bloody privacy" the Boss shouted in his trademark Australian accent. He began shooting his gun killing both henchmen and strippers alike (the latter were also common in his many cribs). Now you, the reader, may ask why he would shoot his own men, and the answer is simple, he was an asshole. You could say he was the king of the assholes, an obvious sociopath who didn't care at all about the personal sovereignty of anyone around him and was constantly ruining other people's days just for the hell of it.

Boss walked out of his crib, grabbed a random civilian who he thought was looking at him funny and hurled him into a nearby streetlight with such force that it was knocked over. Then he got an idea he pulled a newspaper machine up for where it was bolted down, and carried it over his head back into the crib. Where, because he was also a raging misogynist, he threw it at one of the strippers in the middle of her pole routine. The other strippers began cowering in fear, and Boss took great joy in this he went through the room dispatching each with his trusty shot gun until the carpets were bloodstained and dead strippers lay everywhere. He then strode into the kitchen and decided to mess with one of his henchmen. "Hey Boss what's up" said the henchman, who was dressed like a ninja in the spirit of the new dress code, Boss simply put up his middle finger and said "Fuck off", "I thought you were my friend!" said the henchman angrily. The response to his angry reaction was simply more of the same, until the henchman lost his cool and rushed Boss with a knife. But he was no match for Boss's martial arts skills and soon lay bleeding on the floor, while Boss fought him other henchman ran up and beat him with baseball bats.

"_Mindless fucks_" thought Boss, he then glanced at the clock "_But seriously what am I gonna do today, I mean I already took down all of the other gangs and killed Vogel_" he continued. He decided that today was a helicopter day and traveled up to the helipad at the top of his crib, he selected the Vulture, a heavily armored copter equipped with homing missiles and a heavy machine gun. As he flew out he was delighted to hear his favorite song _Take On Me_by Aha on the radio and he sang along joyfully, albeit badly. He stopped singing momentarily to target the first car he saw, "Someone's not getting to work today" he joked as the homing missile hit the car beneath with a satisfying explosion he brought the helicopter lower and homed in on the next car, a minivan, the missile reduced the car to a twisted mass of burning metal. This attracted the attention of the police which he thought was fun it added excitement. He homed in on a police car driving after his helicopter and shot at it with his missiles sending it flying backwards. He laughed as he watched the corpses of its occupants immolated by the explosion, this unfortunately distracted him and his propeller began to grind on a streetlight nearby, "Son of a Fuck" he cursed as an alarm sounded indicating his helicopter was heavily damaged. "Guess my fun's over" he said bringing the helicopter up to its highest point and preparing his parachute. He opened the door, but before he could jump everything was overrun with bright white light. He couldn't see the ground and he staggered back in confusion. Next thing he knew his helicopter was in a large circular, silvery room, he immediately recognized the figures surrounding him. They had large bulbous heads and light gray skin, they were about the size of children and their most distinctive feature was their huge dark black, oval shaped eyes. They had nothing but slit-like nostrils for noses and small non-expressive mouths. "Abducted by aliens, what do you fucking know" said Boss to himself.

Now a normal person's reaction to this would probably be to cower in the cockpit but Boss was apparently unable to feel fear so this was not his reaction. He pulled his trusty Vice 9 out of its holster and took a step out of the cockpit screaming "Right! You fuckers better keep your bloody hands of my anus, no fucking probes!" and waving his gun around. One of the aliens who while much taller, otherwise looked exactly like the rest stepped forward. Boss suddenly heard a voice in his head "_It's OK_ _Earthling we simply want to test out a new device on you_", "Is it an anal-probing device, because then no fucking thanks" Boss yelled. The voice in his head continued "_Calm yourself and step into the light_", just then a circle of light appeared on the floor in the exact center of the room, a clear glass chamber lowered over it and a door in the chamber opened up. "If you think I'm going in there you're-" Boss started but was unable to finish as the aliens shoved him in to the chamber. "Hey get your bloody hands off me!" Boss yelled but the aliens barely heard him, "You have no right to do this!" he screamed, in response before closing the door one of the aliens actually spoke in a low voice "We have a right".

The voice in his head spoke again "_You will be testing our latest advancement, the multiversal_ _exploration unit which allows you to explore multiple universes, when you enter another universe just_ act _natural eventually when we think you've gathered enough data we'll beam you to the next one, thank_ _you kindly by the way_". "No I don't want to do this, let me out of here!" Boss yelled angrily but before he could say anymore he was engulfed in a bright yellow light.

**Author's Note:** So that's the first chapter I originally wrote this out in MS Word and I don't know how well it will convert over onto the website so if it ends up as a massive block of text I'll try to change it the next time. Here's some of the crossovers I'm thinking Grand Theft Auto (Its only natural, right?) Star Wars (I'm big fan and know a lot about it so that should do well) Halo, and Call of Duty (Mostly because a Sants Row Character inserted into two games with very serious plots would be pretty funny) and last but not least Super Smash Bros because think about it, it has a lot of potential, and before you complain the main character may be somewhat of a Marty Stu its just the way he is in the game though.


	2. Grand Theft Row

Chapter 2: Grand Theft Row

**Author's Note: **I'm experimenting with making my chapters easier on the eyes, it turns out I can upload straight from MS Word which is nice because I thought I'd have to download something. This chapter is double-spaced to make it easier to read, and that should work out. Some reviews would be nice but I'll keep writing regardless.

Boss awoke with the feeling of rough pavement pressing against his cheek, his instant thought was "_I'm back in Stilwater, that whole alien thing was just a dream_" but this changed a bit when he started to think more about it "_Wait why'd I fall asleep in the middle of the street, am I a narcoleptic or something, and wasn't_ _I in a helicopter before?"_ he wondered. He was then struck by a series of recent flashbacks what stuck out most was something about a multiversal exploration unit. "_So this is another universe"_ though Boss surveying his surroundings, he was at the end of an alley in what seemed like a large city "_well it doesn't seem so bad_ _guess I'll "act natural" like those aliens said"_ .

The first thing he decided to do was get the lay of the land, he spotted a bunch of black men standing around on the sidewalk immediately outside of the alley. " Hey, what city is this?" Boss asked the men as he approached them, one of them stared turning his head slightly sideways "What you don't know what city you're in? What are you on?" he queried. "Ummm" Boss tried to think of an excuse, he then began mimicking the effects of a hangover and said "I think I remember a massive beer binge or something last night" he stumbled a bit for the full effect. "Oh, well this is Liberty, alright? You recognize that? Is that ringing a bell?" said the man. "Yeah it is, thanks asshole" Boss said and he delivered a punch to the man, "Cheesy vaginas!" the man shouted in surprise as he hit the ground. "Mama is that you inside that man?" another one asked before bolting and screaming "You'll never take me Reptillian!" Boss ignored him and beat the man on the ground until he was quite dead. "If you're seeing this, Grays, it's me acting natural!" Boss shouted at his invisible alien captors. He continued walking down the street shoving pedestrians aside most of them didn't bother to fight back except for one or two cab drivers. However one man seemed especially outraged by it, "what's your fucking problem asshole!" he shouted in a thick Eastern European accent. Boss turned to face the man, he had short brown hair cut into a buzz cut, the most distinguishing feature on his face was his nose and brow, he had a slight beard on his chin and wore a brown jacket and black pants.

Boss reached for a weapon feeling slightly fatigued from his previous fights with the cab drivers, only to find that the Grays had confiscated them all. The other man had more luck, he pulled out a pistol and shot at Boss. Boss quickly ducked behind a nearby mailbox. "Ah, looks like I found a weapon" he said triumphantly and tore the mailbox up from the ground. The Eastern European man looked surprised, "I'm going to give you a chance to walk away Communist scu-" Boss was interrupted by a nightstick to the back of the head. "Look up and smile its LCPD" he heard from a nearby helicopter. "Damn it!" Boss cursed "I never look out for the cops!" not only had he been seen by a passing cruiser but also by a passing helicopter. "Shit" cursed the Eastern European man, he holstered his gun and ran off the police seemed uninterested in him though. Boss delivered several kicks to the torso of the nearest cop and managed to get a pistol off of him, he then turned to the other cops and shot at them.

It was finally clear to him where he was located it said so on the sides of the police cars, Liberty City. "Well this place isn't that much different from Stilwater" he thought Liberty City had somewhat of a more gritty feeling to it but was otherwise not much different. Several cops fell as Boss unloaded the pistol on them. Suddenly he heard a tire screech and turned around to see a car headed straight for him.

Boss cringed, he prepared for the sharp pain of the fender in the center of his torso. He stiffened as he thought of being smacked straight up into the air and he didn't neglect the apprehension for making contact with the hard pavement upon landing. But something different happened this time. Instead of going flying up, Boss felt a great pain in his waste before crumpling onto the car's hood has was carried a short distance and then dropped followed by the car driving over him. The pain was excruciating much more so than getting hit by a car in Stilwater was. He heard a crack and his vision went black and white.


End file.
